Babipurian Real Life Stories: A Tiny Beauty

In 2014 when my boys were 6 years and 18 months I found out I was pregnant again. It was a huge shock after the first two having a bigger age gap. I experienced a lot of pain initially and assumed I was going to lose the pregnancy but nothing happened.

We went along to our first scan at 10 weeks apprehensive but excited. Baby was not moving and upside down but healthy. The sonographer said this was all normal and not to worry. Then to return at 12 weeks. We did, and again baby was healthy but upside down and not moving, again I was told no problem. I was given a due date which was 2 weeks difference to my due date based on cycles. I questioned this to be told you can’t know when you ovulated but I explained rather embarrassingly it hadn’t been a very active month and it can’t be 2 weeks difference.

As the pregnancy progressed I became more concerned about the gap and more convinced something wasn’t right. My midwife said it’s not a problem, my friends said I was paranoid and family said stop finding problems where there is none. 

I made a blanket thinking either way we’ll always need a blanket. 

At 16 weeks we went for a gender scan to find out we were having our first little girl! My eldest son was made up and my partner was happy too but I was worried even more she still hadn’t moved much on the scan. I didn’t want to tell anyone and share her name until she was here and safe for fear of jinxing the pregnancy.

At my 20 weeks scan the sonographer said she was healthy but small. When I asked for more details I was told to speak to the doctor. When I spoke to the doctor she said it’s not a problem but you need a growth scan in 6 weeks because your BP was high, except it was as it had always been normal, so I cancelled it thinking they were coming up with excuses.

Now at this point I had swapped from NHS care to one to one care purely because I wanted more control over my care. My new midwife requested my notes from the hospital and we waited.

At 25 weeks I started experiencing pain but baby was moving well and it stopped when I sat down. The same day I experienced spotting which continued for the next 2 weeks. My midwife wasn’t concerned at this point as baby was moving and appointments showed she was well. 

I grew more and more convinced something wasn’t right but I was trusting my care providers so just kept alert for movement changes.

Around 27 weeks my one to one midwife finally received my hospital notes and immediately rung me up requesting permission to book a growth scan. She said I had 2 due dates which were vastly different and the scan results showed baby was either not well or had genetic issues. She had no appointments that week so we booked in week after for Wednesday 15th October.

Thursday 9th October 2014 and I felt she was being quiet. I did the usual sugary cold drink, snack, lying on my left side but she wouldn’t move as much. I did the classic oh I’ll wait till tomorrow to see how things are.

Around 8 pm I laid down to just relax and concentrate and I felt her kicking and even saw her foot poke out for first time.  Around 11pm I felt a big wiggle, some kicks and her rolling I thought you little monkey worrying me all day, but a huge sense of relief.

Friday 10th October I was running late in the morning so rushed out the door with my youngest son and headed off to playgroup. A friend had recently had a baby so I had a snuggle thinking oh I can’t wait for my turn. It then dawned on me I hadn’t felt my usual wake up wiggle. I decided not to worry and thought maybe she’s just tired after her late night dancing.

Got home and told my partner he said get the doppler out, I’m sure it’s nothing. So I did and couldn’t find anything. As midwife’s often tell us not to use them as we’re not trained I felt so stupid and decided to give her a call about 1pm.

At 5pm my midwife turned up and I explained it had been 18 hours since I felt anything. She used the tracer and found nothing but my heartbeat going fast.. I was exactly 27 weeks.

My mum took me to the hospital where they explained they would just scan me, rather than trying with dopplers again. The doctor who did the scan was shaking doing the scan and I looked over and saw my little girl still and perfect. The doctor shook her head and said I’m so sorry. I said it’s ok I know. 

I was told to go home after being given a hormone blocker in hope it would start my labour off. Over the next 2 days I made her a dress, packed my bags, and cried. Monday 13th October at 27+3 weeks of pregnancy I went back to hospital to be started off. I was given my first pessary which had no effect, I was given a second around 12pm . I started to feel ill at which point it suddenly started. It was agony worse pain I’ve ever felt.

At 9pm my waters finally broke. I felt her coming and tried to stop it I wasn’t ready for this. 930pm she entered this world silent but still warm from my body. She was gorgeous and spitting image of her brothers. Each part of her was perfectly formed but she was so so small.

Over the next 42 hours I made my memories. We had handprints done, she was dressed, hundreds of pictures including professional ones, and I held her as much as possible. We were also allowed to use a cuddle cot to make time slow down a little.

Over the next week we visited her, both boys came to meet her. Although we weren’t quite ready, we knew we had to say not goodbye, but good night. 

Elva Isobel

A Tiny Beauty

“See she flies, she is everywhere”

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1 Response

  1. Natasza says:

    Tracey thank you so much for sharing your story, Elva is a beautiful name, I’m so so sorry that you didn’t get more time with her

    Sending hugs and kisses to the sky xxx

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